Grandma and Grandpa's mail

One of the blessings of being the oldest male child is that I have inherited the privilege of answering Mom and Dad's mail. It's actually more entertaining that one might think. For example, yesterday Mom got a gift card from Express, which read:

"Taller. Slimmer. Sexier.

Belt it, raise it, or make it disappear. This season, the focus is on the waist. High-waisted pants and skirts give the apperaance of long, lean legs. A flirty belt helps define the waist and sculpts a slim, sleek silhouette. Feel taller. Look slimmer. Get sexier. It's spring's perfect look."

Mom, let me know if there is an Express in the DR and I'll send you gift card.

Some of the political mail is also interesting. Last week Mom got a letter from Mary Matalin, who is counselor to Dick Cheney--yes, Matt, that Dick Cheney, the Vice President. Apparently Mr. Cheney would like Mom to help Scooter Libby with his legal bills. I was going to write a letter advising the Vice President that Mom and Dad were on a mission, and they were wondering whether he (Mr. Cheney) could afford a few dollars for the Perpetual Education Fund. But then I ran out of time, so I had to settle for a quick note: "No money--Scooter should swing for lying to the grand jury." I signed Mom's name, so as to spare Mr. Cheney the feeling that Mom did not have the time to respond personally.

Then Dad got a letter from President Bush himself, asking why he had not renewed his membership in the Republican National Party. Again, I thought it best to respond on behalf of Dad: "Dear President Bush, thank you for your concern, but I have not renewed my membership because I did not think it would help me in the difficult choice between Senators Clinton and Obama. Very truly yours, Don Harris."

Most of all there are lots of tear stained letters from art gallery owners, wondering when Big D will return. Those I just toss. Anyway, I thought everyone might enjoy hearing about what Mom and Dad are missing in Portland. Love, Stuart