Open Letter To Stuart Harris, esq.

To: Stuart Harris, Esq.
From: Office of Dick Cheney
Vice President of the United States
Date: February 23, 2008
Re: Gross Offenses

Dear Sir:

I have taken valuable time out of my busy schedule driving hunting companions to the hospitable and defending the honor of my former assistant, to address a situation that has been brought to my attention by an elderly, gray-haired couple somewhere down in the Caribbean.
It seems that you have been going through their mail and posting, on the Internet, spicy bits of private transactions that have been sent to them. I know that you, as an attorney and officer of the court, realize that this is a Federal Offense.

Therefore I have, as of the above date, given an order that your phone is to be tapped and all conversations will be recorded and reviewed by my office. It has also been brought to my attention that you live in a harem, so as I am sure you realize the phone conversations will be under close scrutiny.

It is my desire that this situation be resolved in an amiable manner before November 2008. This can easily be done by a generous contribution to the Republican National Committee, another check to President George W. Bush for his retirement fund, and a third check to the Legal Defense Fund for Scooter Libby.

By the way what are you doing with the Victoria's Secret catalogues that come to their address?

Thank you for your timely attention to this matter.

Sincerely your fellow right wing conservative,

Dick Cheney
cc: the elderly gray-haired couple somewhere in the Caribbean